I can't pinpoint the exact moment that child rearing changed from when I was growing up but somewhere along the line parents crossed over to being seen as "friends" and perhaps even "equals". Growing up, if I was bored, I would never have thought to have my parents play with me. Now, my kids look at Brian and me as entertainment. On one hand, my relationship with my kids is fantastic. We are really close and they share a lot with me....on the other hand, we are lacking the "afraid of you" aspect. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me, but I do want them to realize what I say goes. Period. NO ARGUING. NO DEBATING. NO NEGOTIATING.
Not only do my kids do all three bold verbs above, but their friends do it as well. The other day Brock called and wanted to spend the night at a friend's house. I told him that it wouldn't work out because we had plans, he could do it some other time, yadda yadda. He hung up and a few minutes later called back. Except this time it was his friend on the phone trying to convince me to let Brock stay over. What?? Sorry buddy. That is crossing the line.
Maybe to start laying down the law I should insist on being called "Mrs". Maybe that's the problem. Kids these days are too familiar with us.
Either that or I'll have to whip out the hairbrush.
4 comments:
I am so with you on this one. My kids are the same way. Inconsistency is my downfall.
I agree with the assessment that inconsistency is a parental problem -- more today than when I was raising your husband and his brothers. It's tougher to be disciplined with your kids when many of their friends are getting things and doing things that you disagree with. Nonetheless, your only hope is to apply consistency to your decisions. That'll take the friendship level down a notch!
Great blog .. came across it from Heidi.
I am SO going to be "Mrs." to kiddos. Not really sure why we stopped doing that after our generation!
With little (read: no) parenting experience, I'd say what you've got going, letting your children know that it is human nature to show inconsistencies and contradiction and that their parents are understanding, rational and emotional creatures, is a big, positive set of lessons.
There are people who spend considerable time and money learning how to communicate their needs and wants and negotiate for them. Those aren't bad skills to gain. Just seems like they need to be balanced with respect and empathy for other's needs.
You may recall a funny neighbor boy who had the former skills, eventually learning the latter as well. He turned out fine!
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